Fairest of Them All
by faded harmony
Summary: As marked...FOR THE FAIREST. No biggie, just maybe contains the golden apple that started the Trojan War. The girls are pranked by the all time genius, and he'd better hope they don't come for revenge. But they will, and the boys pay the price. Turns out children of Hades/Pluto are truly the best! Two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

**Recently we read something about the Odyssey in class and I kind of had this idea and...yeah... of course it's all Leo's fault. Trojan War Numero dos! It's actually pretty hilarious if you think about it. I kind of saw Hazel in an awesome light in this Two-shot [part two will be up later] as she is wise enough not to touch the golden apple. Did Snow White not teach you silly girls ANYTHING? Good thing Hazel payed attention to those Disney classics. (Although I guess from her timeperiod that would have been modern...ah major confusion now.) **

**Anywho, Uncle Rick owns these characters. Me no owny. Enjoooyyy! **

* * *

Piper was trying not to shudder as Hazel delicately did her toenails in delicate bright neon colors. Piper usually wouldn't have agreed to something as girly and pathetic and demeaning as this, but she relented when Annabeth had eagerly agreed for some _'girl time.'_ Usually that was something bad, so Piper knew something was up.

Hazel was in the middle of painting a bright lime neon green one on her big toe, when a _clunk_ happened outside. Piper had only let Hazel do neon colors because of their brightness, and also because they looked ridiculous on anyone (including herself.) If it could even slightly make Drew mutter about poor fashion sense, it would have been well worth the time. Annabeth was flipping through a magazine of some 'hot' 'new' 'boy-band' called One Direction, which Piper didn't care for only because she heard Drew raging about how hot they were until very late at night. Meaning of which, she banned Drew to post One Direction posters all over the walls of her bed, because Piper did not want those (okay, maybe they were hot) boys looking down at her while she slept and got changed.

Annabeth brought the magazine down to her chin, so she could see her friend's faces. They looked at each other for a moment of silence before: "What was that?" Piper was the first to ask.

_KA-CLUNK_. A crash, and something sailed through the window and hit Piper in the face.

"Ow," Piper grumbled as she pushed herself back onto in the position she had before all nice and comfortable on her chair. "What the Hades is-?"

It was a golden apple. Annabeth raised an eyebrow suspiciously at the apple held in Piper's hand, while Hazel looked mortified. "Whoops," Hazel apologized. "Must have popped up by accident. I'll send it back to-"

"Wait." Piper's head was spinning. "Look what it says."

Engraved on the side of the apple's pristine golden surface was a set of words in perfect cursive._ For the Fairest_.

Annabeth hissed when Piper passed it to her. "It's dark magic," she murmured. "This is the same apple that caused the Trojan War."

"Apple...Trojan War..." Hazel repeated. "Would someone care to explain? I've only heard the part where the Greeks got a wooden horse and burned Troy to ashes. So how-?"

"It started when Eris, the goddess of Discord, wasn't invited to some celebration on Olympus," Annabeth started immediately, and waved off the unnecessary facts. "What is important; is that as revenge, she created a golden apple that was for the most beautiful goddess to claim. Naturally, all the goddesses fought over it, but it narrowed down to three goddesses. Hera, Queen of the Gods," she made a face, like the Goddess of Cows was far from beautiful on her own standards. "Pallas Athena, Goddess of wisdom and my mother, and Aphrodite, Goddess of love. Also Piper's mom.

"Well anyways, the three goddesses asked Zeus who he thought was the winner. But being Zeus, he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Well maybe three hard places. Hera was his wife, so refusing to give her the apple would cause unbalance in the council. Denying it to Athena would mean she would turn on him, as the prophecy that each firstborn child of their father would be the one to overthrow him, and Zeus didn't want that. And last, if he denied it to Aphrodite, who is the _freaking goddess of love_...even an idiot like Zeus knew bad things would result from it.

"Instead, Zeus discovered a loophole. He told the three hormonally unbalanced goddesses that a mortal prince by the name of Paris would be the judge of their beauty. Immediately, they three goddesses sought him down and appeared before the prince; yet not to judge by their beauty, but by their bribes.

"Hera offered him lordship over Europe and Asia. Pretty cheap bribe if you ask me, she could have done that in her sleep. Although I wouldn't mind seeing that particular goddess put to sleep for a _long_ time..." Annabeth cleared her throat. "Athena offered him victory for the Trojans and leave Greece in smoldering ruins...ironic how she would backstab her own people. And last of all, Aphrodite offered him the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Even long story, made less long, and a little shorter, Paris stole Helen from her husband, a huge war broke out, killed lots of people for a whole decade of fighting, before Odysseus created the Trojan horse and burned Troy to the ground and stole Helen back. Been a long time since anything like that has happened, and I hope to gods it won't happen again."

"Woah," Hazel said. "So we have a child of Aphrodite, a child of Athena all in one room with the sacred apple that caused a war that got thousands of people killed because of some stupid mortal prince."

"Basically." Piper summed it up. "So you're really long explanation comes down to this: Girls fight over who the most beautiful, and start a huge war to kill lots of mortals and demigods over some stupid apple. By the way...did you happen to call our mothers _hormonally unbalanced_?"

"Might have been a slip of the tongue," Annabeth ignored her.

"I see where the hormonally unbalanced part of the family comes from," Hazel muttered under her breath.

"Excuse me?" Piper and Annabeth asked at the same time. Hazel looked down and mumbled a quick "Nothing, nothing, I said nothing."

Piper fingered the apple in her hand, wondering how well of a tool it would serve to pull a prank on Drew. Hmm...

"Piper, I see that look in your eye." Annabeth warned. "It started a huge war last time. We really don't have time for more wars."

"Eh..." Piper shrugged and turned away from the apple. "It's stupid. Wanna see how far I can throw it over the Hephaestus cabin?"

"Won't that piss Leo off?" Hazel asked.

"Probably."

"Okay, let's do it." Annabeth got up eagerly. "I'm looking to get back at him for when he threw those fake spiders in my cabin." She shuddered. "I warned him he was going to pay dearly for it."

"Yeah, it's just trash. What's so special about an apple anyways?" Piper got up. "And '_For the Fairest..._' that's just stupid. Why would someone fall for a trick like that anyways?"

"You'd be surprised, people do stupid things." Hazel said wisely. "Namely, a certain child of Vulcan who owes me a chariot."

"I'm sure he didn't mean to burn down the last one.." Piper muttered. "Well he's Leo. He doesn't mean to set fire to a lot of things."

"True that," Annabeth said in a slightly over-cheered voice. "So are we going to the Hephaestus cabin or what?"

"Yeah..." Piper answered. "It makes you wonder though, like, say hypothetically, we actually fought over who the '_fairest'_ of the three of us was...who do you think that would be?"

"Here we go," Hazel muttered.

"I think that's a better question for a boyfriend," Annabeth said. "But I am pretty sure it would be-"

"Me." Piper said, almost at the exact moment Annabeth and Hazel said "Me." They all looked at each other surprised.

"Well, I'm kind of a child of Aphrodite, so..." Piper explained.

"I might be a child of Athena, but I didn't have to compete for my position," Annabeth said.

Hazel shrugged. "I really think we're all just pretty girls with lots of problems and monsters after us, so we should leave before..."

"What do you mean, you're the prettiest?" Annabeth unsheathed her knife, and Piper took out Katropitris. "You're just a simple-minded child of Aphrodite!"

"Oh, Styx," Hazel muttered, alarmed at the escalating conversation.

"You don't even care about beauty, so what does it matter to you?" Piper blocked a swipe she took to her.

"Uhm guys, the apple has some strange charm, it's messing with your heads." Hazel spoke a little louder.

"I'M GONNA MESS WITH YOUR HEAD!" Annabeth growled. Hazel snapped her fingers. "Okay, you did _not_ just go there with me."

Hazel watched helplessly as her two best friends were set to go to war with each other. This was out of character; these two girls, despite their differences, were good buds. There was no reason to fight.

"-Yeah, I'll go check on it later, Jake. I gotta-" Leo walked into the upcoming battlescene. Hazel sent Leo and frantic _HELP ME!_ glance across the room.

Leo only smiled, for whatever reason. "I see even the most powerful girls at camp who think beauty means nothing to them, have been proved wrong."

That sent a shockwave to the girls. "You..you tricked us?" Annabeth sounded incredulous. Piper looked dazed and the two daggers dropped to the floor.  
Leo flashed her a grin. "Even you, Beauty Queen. Hard to see Hazel looked like she was the only one to keep her head...maybe because she didn't touch the apple." Leo bounced the apple a few times in his hand. "It has a charm that automatically makes you guys want to fight over it. Ah, that was quite enjoyable."

He put the apple down on the table and walked out. The three girls looked at each other, and then the apple.

"You realize what we're gonna have to do now, right?" Piper asked her companions.

"Yep." Annabeth agreed. "I hope Valdez has life insurance."


	2. Chapter 2

**Eh I figured I needed some way to make this Two-shot even more random.**

**Behold. The parody of the Trojan War. Except with Leo so of course everything catches on fire. ;D**

**Anyways, Uncle Rick owns them, etc etc, ME NEED MARK OF ATHENA -dies-**

**Enjoy, read, whatever, go eat an apple. Just not a silver or a gold one. Or one from Snow White. Like did these kids learn ANYTHING FROM DISNEY?**

* * *

Leo gave Percy a weird look. "And we are doing this because...?"

Percy shrugged. "The guys need some time out. The girls were doing it."

"Yeah...so they were..." Leo edged nervously on his seat. He coughed uncomfortably. "Not that I had anything to do with it."

Jason faced him. "What did you do?" Frank was patting the sides of his legs excitedly, but Leo felt a small smile growing onto his face.

"Well...let's just say history does repeat itself." Leo smirked. "But I'm a little concerned what their revenge is going to be."

"Oh no," Jason said, his expression turning to mock horror. Or just plain horror. "Valdez, why haven't you moved to Mexico to hide from them yet?"

Leo shrugged. "They'd find me eventually."

"Very true," Percy agreed. "So what do you guys want to do?"

"Spin the Bottle?" Frank suggested.

Leo made a face. "With four guys?"

"How about no," Jason cut them off. "What about _Twister_?"

Percy shook his head wildly. "If you've ever played that against Leo, you really, really don't want to. Trust me."

Leo shot Jason a wicked grin, and he backed up a little.

"Then what do you suggest we-?" Leo asked, when the window shattered and something sailed through the broken window and hit him square in the face.

After about ten seconds of Leo swearing at the top of his lungs in random languages (Greek, Spanish, English, Spanglish, etc.), Jason going gladiator mode and slashing up random things with his sword; Percy running around in a circle and screaming like a girl, and Frank transformed into a turtle and hid inside his shell.

"GUYS!" Leo yelled to distract his maniac buddies. "IT'S JUST A FREAKING APPLE!"

Percy stopped running in a circle. Jason stopped attacking the sofa with the power and might of Jupiter, and Frank's little turtle head poked it's head cautiously out of it's shell.

Leo scratched his head at the apple. The apple was completely diamond, with silver edging and neat scratched in words: _For the Awesomest. _

"What the Hades?" Percy peered over his shoulder. "'For the Awesomest'? I have a bad feeling about this..."

"Can I eat it?" Frank asked immediately after he was able to talk in his human form.

"No, that's bad for your teeth." Leo scolded him. "Besides if anyone is gonna eat it, it's gonna be me."

"That doesn't even remotely make sense," Jason shook his head at Leo's weirdness. (He had lots of it, and plenty more to share!)

"Me want apple!" Frank launched himself at Leo and the silver apple. Leo ducked, and Frank tackled Jason to the ground instead. Percy gave a cry of delight and jumped on the two of them, wrestling both himself and the two boys. Leo yelled "CANNONBALL!" and jumped into the dogfight. He lost the apple somewhere to Percy, which then went down Jason's pants (no one wanted it after that) and Frank somehow managed to get it out. (No one wanted to know how.)

Leo had Percy in a headlock from behind, while Percy choked in a slightly higher pitched tone: "Uncle! Uncle! I surrender, _UNCLE_!"

The wrestling ceased when Nico happened to walk in the room, as the apple rolled out from beneath the chaos and next to Nico's foot. He bent down and picked it up.

"Guys." Nico said quietly. Leo and the others froze, half choking Frank and Percy was trying to rodeo-style-lasso Jason to the nearby furniture.

"Are you guys seriously fighting over an apple?" He asked, his mouth turning into a frown. He turned the apple over. "Seriously? '_For the Awesomest?_'"

"Yeah, we don't know who's the awesomest!" Leo explained quickly.

"It's definitely not me," Frank shook his head sadly and freed himself from Leo's grip.

"Aw, why say that?" Percy asked. "You're pretty awesome!"

"Let's be honest with ourselves, I'm really not that awesome." Frank said modestly.

"Psh, baby man, you're freaking awesome. Now let the emo child speak." Leo shushed him.

Nico chuckled to himself. "You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. This was a stupid argument."

The boys hung their heads in shame, to show their apology, but Nico wasn't done just yet.

"And also because," he said. "We all know I'm the awesomest."


End file.
